This is my version of a seriously Kanye-style rant. Alternately titled: “I was irritable as all get out in the Atlanta airport on my layover, after getting choppy sleep for a few days, and this is what chapped my @$$ so much that I cannot go another day without talking about it.” Noise Pollution.  So, peeps, here’s a confession.  I hate the sounds that phones make.  All phones.  Land lines, mobile phones, Bat-phones, you name it.  Hate.  I use the word very sparingly, but it’s true.  And in the current age of “nobody can go thirty seconds without checking his or her mobile phone,” this OCD-type thing of mine is really, really difficult to control.This little problem of mine, if you will, started in college for reasons too deep and lengthy to get into here.  However, let me just say this:  Yes, I realize it’s a problem of mine.  So let me just get that out there now.  My OCD about phone noises is … well, yeah… my problem.But with that acknowledgment…I noticed that when the pilot safely landed our plane, everyone on the plane felt the need to turn on his or her mobile device… at the exact same time.  This is something I anticipate… and sometimes, just to join in the crowd, I’ll do it too.  However, I keep my phone — almost at all times, so much so that it’s relatively problematic — ON SILENT OR VIBRATE, PARTICULARLY WHEN THERE ARE 200 OTHER PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO CANNOT ESCAPE MY NOISES AND I HAVE THE FRIGGIN’ THING RIGHT IN MY HAND!!!!!!!I am serious when I say that I cringed (I physically felt myself) about 57 times in a row on that plane… because I just don’t see it.  Why oh WHY does everyone have to set their phone to make ding-ding-ring-buzz noises when it is IN HIS OR HER HAND????  Have we come to a point in the world where we no longer appreciate or respect others’ desire not to have to hear it every single time we get a text?  Or a call?  Particularly when we are on the airport equivalent of a prison on wheels?  I can handle airplane babies crying, passengers snoring, the chitter chatter of travel conversations, and even the occasional poor airsick traveler (bless your heart, I’m sure that is just the absolutely worst and I’m sorry).  This is life.  These are the noises of natural everyday life.But for the love of all that is good and holy, if you keep your phone ON YOUR PERSON and it is dinging and ringing and beeping incessantly, please just know this — there is always a chance that there is a Southern gal nearby who wants to PUNCH YOUR FACE.  (Wow, that feels better already!) General cleanliness and sanitation following urination and/or defecation.  So here’s the thing, people.  When you go to wash your hands after you’ve done your deeds, YOUR HANDS ARE NOT CLEAN AT ALL UNLESS YOU TAKE AT LEAST 15 or 20 SECONDS TO ACTUALLY SCRUB THEM WITH SOAP.And it’s NOT difficult.  Say the Pledge of Allegiance, recite your favorite nursery rhyme, think about what you want to plan for dinner or take a few moments to be grateful for all you have.  Let me ask you this:  would you rather have YOUR pee and poop on your hands, or someone else’s?  OR, WOULD YOU RATHER JUST DO THE WHOLE WORLD A FAVOR AND TAKE 20 SECONDS TO WASH YOUR HANDS PROPERLY?If you go into a public restroom, do your business, and then come out and just splash some water on your hands and touch them with a little soap, you are not washing your hands.  Instead, you are contaminating them more with other people’s germs by touching the things necessary to do your half-assed attempt at making yourself look good by pretending to wash your hands.  And then, you go out into the world and rub your pee-pee and poopy hands all over everything you touch.  AND THAT IS HOW PEOPLE GET SICK.So please, please, please, please please wash your hands the proper way.  The world will thank you.If you feel the need for further instruction, here is a really dolled-up little manual to help. My thoughts on getting our heads out of our own @$$e$.  If you are in a public place and there is someone who is CLEARLY struggling to go about an everyday task (like a Nigerian mother trying to deboard a plane with three small children and all the items that accompany them), please take a moment and stop to ask if they need help.  I am still completely fuming over the fact that this situation took place while deboarding the plane in Atlanta, and I, with my luggage in tow, was THE ONLY PERSON on that entirely full flight who asked this lady if she needed assistance.  She was so grateful, she hugged me and almost cried.  Am I a savior?  Absolutely not.  But I find it hard to believe that I was the only person who had an extra five or ten minutes to make my connecting flight.   And finally, since I’ve been such a raving madwoman in this post, here’s a tidbit for you.When you are in a vehicle and you want to know what side of the car the gas tank is hiding itself, look at your gas gauge.  There should be a little gas tank symbol there.  There should also be a triangular-shaped arrow on either side of the symbol.  Presto change-o, that’s the side of the car you should point toward the gas tank. Anyone else have anything to add to these Apple rants today?

This is my version of a seriously Kanye-style rant.

Alternately titled: “I was irritable as all get out in the Atlanta airport on my layover, after getting choppy sleep for a few days, and this is what chapped my @$$ so much that I cannot go another day without talking about it.”

  • Noise Pollution.  So, peeps, here’s a confession.  I hate the sounds that phones make.  All phones.  Land lines, mobile phones, Bat-phones, you name it.  Hate.  I use the word very sparingly, but it’s true.  And in the current age of “nobody can go thirty seconds without checking his or her mobile phone,” this OCD-type thing of mine is really, really difficult to control.

    This little problem of mine, if you will, started in college for reasons too deep and lengthy to get into here.  However, let me just say this:  Yes, I realize it’s a problem of mine.  So let me just get that out there now.  My OCD about phone noises is … well, yeah… my problem.

    But with that acknowledgment…

    I noticed that when the pilot safely landed our plane, everyone on the plane felt the need to turn on his or her mobile device… at the exact same time.  This is something I anticipate… and sometimes, just to join in the crowd, I’ll do it too.  However, I keep my phone — almost at all times, so much so that it’s relatively problematic — ON SILENT OR VIBRATE, PARTICULARLY WHEN THERE ARE 200 OTHER PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO CANNOT ESCAPE MY NOISES AND I HAVE THE FRIGGIN’ THING RIGHT IN MY HAND!!!!!!!

    I am serious when I say that I cringed (I physically felt myself) about 57 times in a row on that plane… because I just don’t see it.  Why oh WHY does everyone have to set their phone to make ding-ding-ring-buzz noises when it is IN HIS OR HER HAND???? 

    Have we come to a point in the world where we no longer appreciate or respect others’ desire not to have to hear it every single time we get a text?  Or a call?  Particularly when we are on the airport equivalent of a prison on wheels?  I can handle airplane babies crying, passengers snoring, the chitter chatter of travel conversations, and even the occasional poor airsick traveler (bless your heart, I’m sure that is just the absolutely worst and I’m sorry).  This is life.  These are the noises of natural everyday life.

    But for the love of all that is good and holy, if you keep your phone ON YOUR PERSON and it is dinging and ringing and beeping incessantly, please just know this — there is always a chance that there is a Southern gal nearby who wants to PUNCH YOUR FACE.  (Wow, that feels better already!)

  • General cleanliness and sanitation following urination and/or defecation.  So here’s the thing, people.  When you go to wash your hands after you’ve done your deeds, YOUR HANDS ARE NOT CLEAN AT ALL UNLESS YOU TAKE AT LEAST 15 or 20 SECONDS TO ACTUALLY SCRUB THEM WITH SOAP.

    And it’s NOT difficult.  Say the Pledge of Allegiance, recite your favorite nursery rhyme, think about what you want to plan for dinner or take a few moments to be grateful for all you have. 
  • Let me ask you this:  would you rather have YOUR pee and poop on your hands, or someone else’s?  OR, WOULD YOU RATHER JUST DO THE WHOLE WORLD A FAVOR AND TAKE 20 SECONDS TO WASH YOUR HANDS PROPERLY?

    If you go into a public restroom, do your business, and then come out and just splash some water on your hands and touch them with a little soap, you are not washing your hands.  Instead, you are contaminating them more with other people’s germs by touching the things necessary to do your half-assed attempt at making yourself look good by pretending to wash your hands.  And then, you go out into the world and rub your pee-pee and poopy hands all over everything you touch.  AND THAT IS HOW PEOPLE GET SICK.

    So please, please, please, please please wash your hands the proper way.  The world will thank you.If you feel the need for further instruction, here is a really dolled-up little manual to help.

  • My thoughts on getting our heads out of our own @$$e$.  If you are in a public place and there is someone who is CLEARLY struggling to go about an everyday task (like a Nigerian mother trying to deboard a plane with three small children and all the items that accompany them), please take a moment and stop to ask if they need help.  I am still completely fuming over the fact that this situation took place while deboarding the plane in Atlanta, and I, with my luggage in tow, was THE ONLY PERSON on that entirely full flight who asked this lady if she needed assistance.  She was so grateful, she hugged me and almost cried.  Am I a savior?  Absolutely not.  But I find it hard to believe that I was the only person who had an extra five or ten minutes to make my connecting flight.

     
  • And finally, since I’ve been such a raving madwoman in this post, here’s a tidbit for you.

    When you are in a vehicle and you want to know what side of the car the gas tank is hiding itself, look at your gas gauge.  There should be a little gas tank symbol there.  There should also be a triangular-shaped arrow on either side of the symbol.  Presto change-o, that’s the side of the car you should point toward the gas tank.

  • Anyone else have anything to add to these Apple rants today?

Notes